How did High turn into Goodbye?

giraffe-styles:

Harry let out a small puff of air in surprise when he was rolled over to his back before Louis plopped his pretty self on top of him. “So gorgeous.” He marveled as he rested his hands on Louis’ curvy hips, eyes practically shining as he gazed up at the other. “Cute snores, eh? I didn’t know that snores could be considered cute, babe.” He smirked but then lifted one of his hands to thumb along the side of his lips. “But then again, I was happy to have you drooling all over me again. Missed it more than I thought I would. Nothing like waking up to drool spots on your arm.” He teased with a wink, his heart feeling light. Though it had only been a week, it felt like a life-time that the two hadn’t slept in the same bed together, let alone laughed and teased together. It made him realize that he didn’t want to ever lose this with Louis. “Aw. You’re precious.” He cooed as he brought his hand behind Louis’ neck to pull him down so he could press a sound kiss against his thin lips. “I had to give your tummy one last kiss before you started to lose the weight.” He confessed, indirectly admitting that he would be missing that extra chub that his boyfriend carried around. “I’m glad you weren’t angry with me. I love you too, I really, really do.” 

His eyes didn’t miss the way Louis’ small hand rested on his tummy, making his own flutter before he got a sinking feeling when Louis quickly removed it. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to Louis hating his chub. “Hmm.” He hummed aloud as he thought about the perfect meal he could fix his boo. “Well, I’ve to three ideas for recipes that you’d like.” He mused as he figured out what ingredients they had in the house and what they didn’t have. “Okay, so, there’s strawberry parfait… I could use low fat yogurt for that? And some healthy cereal?” He questioned, his thumbs absentmindedly rubbing soothing circles onto Louis’ hips as he thought up the next recipe. “Another is some multigrain blueberry waffles with blueberries and strawberries on top, hold the syrup.” He added, knowing Louis would be against having the sugary substance, no matter how much it hurt him to think about. He had to keep reminding himself that he was doing this to make Louis happy, not himself happy. “Lastly, some buttermilk and blueberry pancakes with blueberries on top. We have all of the ingredients I’d need for all three so whatever you choose I will happily make for you.”

"Well yeah they are cute snores, everything you do it cute."  Louis blushed and slapped at his chest.  "Hush you!  I did not drool all over you.  You’re lying."  He knew that Harry was most likely telling the truth, he did actually drool in his sleep, which is why they weren’t allowed to have any pillowcases that would show off his drool marks.  It embarrassed him too much, especially after comments had been made back in the X Factor house by Liam.  "You can still kiss it, you know. The chub is gonna be there for awhile, I’m not going to lose twenty pounds over night."  As much as I wish I could, was left unsaid.  Louis cupped his cheeks and pressed a kiss to his lips.  ”I know that you love it, Harry.  And I wish I could stay this way to make you happy.  But I need to be selfish for one.  I want to be thin again.  I think it will make me happy.  And who knows, maybe I’ll be happy with some chub still there, just like how I was back in 2011.”  He looked him in the eyes, his thumb stroking over his cheek bone.  ”I could never be mad at you over something like that. I don’t think I have it in my blood, so don’t worry about it.”

Louis considered all of the options before finally deciding on one.  ”Yogurt parfait!  Please?” He asked, blinking his incredibly long eyelashes at Harry, “With blueberries and strawberries in it?”  Louis relaxed into the touch of Harry’s hands on his hips, his eyes slowly closing.  It was one of Harry’s go to ways of calming him down or making him go to sleep, and it was working perfectly now.  He fought the urge to close his eyes and fall asleep, by looking up at Harry.  His stomach rumbled and he giggled.  ”Let’s go eat, and then we can do whatever you want today.  And we still need to listen to that mixtape I made you, especially after our mini fight last night.”  Fingertips trailed down his sides, resting on top of his palm fronds on his hips.  He squeezed at his lovehandles, fingers digging a bit into them.  ”And can we please maybe hit the gym later tonight?  Or tommorow?  Hm… maybe tomorrow is best.  We can make a plan for my workouts, start off slow and stuff?  We could talk to Mark?”  Louis knew he was rambling, so he shut up, pressing a kiss to Harry’s lips.  He rolled over and off of him, sitting up and jumping out of bed.  ”C’mon Hazzaaaaaaaaa,” he whined, “I’m hungry!”  He pouted and looked at him lovingly.

How did High turn into Goodbye?

giraffe-styles:

Harry breathed in shallowly and with a small gasp, his eyes fluttering open as he was startled awake by the other male beside him. “Mmmm.” He moaned out, stretching his arms up above his head, his hands pressing against the head board before he moved them to wipe down his face, paying extra attention to his eyes to fully wake himself up. “Bloody hell I haven’t had that great of sleep in a while.” He murmured with a small smile to Louis as he leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek with a smack. “It also has it’s perks that I got to wake up to your beautiful face this fine morning.” He smiled widely, his dimples popping out in their full glory before his brows furrow as he tried to remember exactly why the other male had woken him up in the first place. “Did you say you’re hungry?” He questioned with a small frown, not sure if that’s actually what he had woken him up for or if he just wanted him awake so he didn’t have to be alone. 

He let out a wide yawn before really focusing in on Louis’ features, which was when he caught sight of the kiss mark he had left the night before, making his tummy swim with butterflies, also making him wonder if Louis had gotten out of bed yet and seen the two marks on his own body. Probably not. If he had, he probably would have gotten shoved off the bed for kissing his belly. “What do you want me to make?” He questioned, knowing good and well that he’d be making something fattening since that’s what people usually ate for breakfast, but since Louis was now wanting to lose weight, he would have to ask him every time to see what healthy food he’d want made. 

"Good morning to you too," Louis laughed watching Harry do the normal morning stretch routine that he didn’t realize he had missed up until that moment.  "I haven’t either, sleeping with you makes me feel safe," he said happily, giggling loudly as he kissed his cheek.  "Oh hush!" He blushed deeply, flipping so he was straddling the male, laying on top of him.  "I got to wake up to your cute little snores.  I’ve missed them so much.  Honestly."  He poked his finger into his dimples, giggling quite happily.  His quick morning wank had left him feeling relaxed and overall happier.  "Yeah I said I was hungry.  That and I was tired of being awake without you. I wanted to talk and hear your voice.  I’ve missed it." He blushed and pressed a kiss to his cheek. 

"Thank you, by the way," he murmured against Harry’s lips, his hands tangling in his hair.  "I got up to wee earlier, and I saw the marks."  He pulled back and looked Harry in the eyes, searching them, for what, he didn’t know.  "I was mad at first, because I thought you went against my wishes and gave me a love bite, but this… its perfect.  It made me feel exactly how the lovebite used to make me feel,"  he nudged his nose against Harry’s, their lips brushing a bit.  He didn’t care that the other male had morning breath, and he was sure that Harry didn’t care that he had it as well.  They were used to being in each other’s faces as soon as they woke up, and today wasn’t anything different.  "I love you so much," he said, pulling back and smiling.  He rested his hand on his belly, but thought better of it when he realized he didn’t like the way it felt.  "Um… what’s something healthy?  Maybe like, an egg white omelet? I don’t know.  Liam is the one who knows this kinda stuff."  Louis sighed and laid his head on Harry’s chest, tilting his head to look up at the other male.

How did High turn into Goodbye?

giraffe-styles:

Once he heard the soft snores of Louis, signaling that he had indeed fallen fast asleep, and he knew good and well that once Louis was asleep, it was almost impossible to wake him up until the morning; he slowly slipped out of the bed and went to their loo to grab the lipstick that the two of them kept around. It was left from Gemma one day and Louis had jokingly lathered his lips with it and kissed all over Harry’s face and from there they decided to keep it and use it to mark each other when ever either of them is in a crummy mood or just for the fun of it. Now, he figured, was a perfect time to use it. Finally finding it in one of their cabinets, he did a small cheer and then opened the small cylinder tube before leaning over the counter slightly to get a better look at himself in the mirror so he could coat it evenly on his puffy lips. Once finished with the bright red lipstick, he pressed his lips together to even it out before smirking to himself, knowing exactly the two places he’d be kissing Louis before heading on to bed himself.

Walking back into the room, he made a b-line for Louis’ sleeping form a small coo leaving his red lips at the sight of Louis’ mouth barely opened, his fringe falling into his eyes, and his hands tucked up by his face. Leaning down, he glanced up at Louis’ eyes, then slowly lifted Louis’ shirt up to the point where he’d normally be able to see the love bite, then he leaned down and firmly planted his lips in the spot before pulling back and nodding his head when he saw the prominent kiss mark there. Lastly, he moved up to Louis’ face and pressed a kiss to his cheek where a slightly faded red lipstick mark was present. Marveling at his handy work, he smiled brightly before grabbing a tissue to wipe off the remaining amount of lipstick on his lips, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to get it all and that his lips would still be very much red in the morning, but he didn’t want to risk running the tap and splashing around trying to get it all off. He let out a yawn, stretching his arms above his head once he got the lipstick off the best he could before crawling back into the bed and snuggling up against Louis’ small frame. He rubbed Louis’ belly, being sure to steer clear of the lipstick mark, to sooth himself to sleep, it only taking a good ten minutes to do so. Finally, he was going to be getting a good nights sleep, because the ship was home with it’s anchor.

The next morning, Louis woke up before Harry, which was weird.  What was also weird was being surrounded by the warmth of Harry wrapped around him after a week without it, but he loved it.  It was nice to finally feel at home, and wake up where he belonged.  He could feel a heavy weight resting on his lower belly.  He opened his eyes to see Harry’s hand cupping his chubby stomach, thumb resting inside his belly button, his shirt having raised up to just below his nipples throughout the night.  He attributed it to the fact that Harry had probably been rubbing his stomach to soothe his belly ache.  Besides, he knew how much the other male loved his stomach, and it was natural for him to rest his hand on his stomach while they slept.  Thankfully the ache was gone now, but in its place he was sporting a semi.  As if on cue, because he wanted to make it worse, Harry’s thumb moved around his belly button.  It elicited a low moan from the older male, whom had to bite down on his bottom lip in order to not moan any louder. He had grown even harder at the sensation that had run straight down to his cock.  He turned to press a kiss to his boyfriend’s cheek before he extracted himself from his arms.  Tinkerbell looked up at him from her bed across the room, wagging her tail lazily.  She looked as if she was about to get up and come to him, but he had other plans.  ”Not now, Tink.” He whispered.

Awkwardly, he walked to the bathroom, the boner he had making it hard for him to walk.  Out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of red on his cheek, in the mirror.  Thinking he was bleeding, he turned his face quickly to look at the red mark on his cheek.  To his surprise it was lip prints, very distinctly Harry’s plump lip prints.  The lyric from 5 Second of Summer’s song She Looks So Perfect “Her lipstick stain is a work of art” started playing in his head, and he couldn’t help the fond smirk that took over his features.  Gemma leaving her tube of lipstick at their house was one of the best things that she had ever done.  He remembered the first time Harry had ever put it on and kissed all over his face to cheer him up.  Louis had left the lip prints on his face the rest of the day, a smile permanently on his face from the thought of them being there.  Harry had even left the tube out on the counter, which gave Louis an idea.  He grabbed the tube and spread the color over his thin lips.  Leaning over the counter, he pressed them together to spread the color before pressing them to the mirror.  Using the actual stick, he wrote “I love you” next to it, with a cursive “~Lou”.  He smirked at the writing, setting the tube back on the counter before backing away.

As he did, however, he cock brushed over the edge of the counter, the pressure very pleasurable.  He closed his eyes and bit back a moan.  Harry could wake up at any moment, and he wanted to masturbate quickly before his boyfriend could see him.  He took his shirt off, not wanting to get any cum on the garment.  As he set it on the counter, he caught glimpse of another flash of red, this time, right under his belly button.  At first, Louis was mad- how dare Harry go against his distinct wishes and mark his stomach?  But as he looked down to get a closer look, he realized that it was just like the mark on his cheek- a lipstick lip print.  All of a sudden, the mark was no longer offending, but rather, it was a sweet gesture. 

Tears filled Louis’ eyes and he gently touched his fingertips to the mark.  Harry was in love with his tummy this way.  He knew he was.  But he knew that Harry wouldn’t tell him flat out that he wanted him to keep it this way.  Harry valued Louis’ happiness above his own, and while Louis was the same- he valued the other male’s way higher than his own- he wished that Harry would have at least spoken out against his ideas.  Instead, he had agreed to everything that Louis had asked for.  The weight loss, the need to get thin and, by Louis’ definition, beautiful again.  Not that anything Harry could have said would change his mind, but the effort would have made him at least consider that this could potentially be hurting his lover.  Louis sighed and ran his hands over the chub on his belly.  He jiggled it a bit, grabbing what handfuls he could.  He sighed.  Being this weight was not making him happy, and he just wanted to change it.  He hated that he was being selfish for this one thing, but he was too scared that if he continued to gain weight, or remain this heavy, his depression would just get worse, and that it could potentially lead back to the self harm and eating disorder that he had worked so hard to end.  

"I love you so much Harry," he murmured, looking into their room at Harry’s naked back.  "But I’m sorry, I have to do this." He sighed and looked back down at his belly, rubbing it softly.  He slid his finger into his belly button and began to finger it much like Harry did.  The pleasure went straight to his cock, that was already throbbing with neglect.  He painfully walked over to the door and shut it, shedding his boxers quickly.  His cock sprung up, and Louis gasped, biting down on his lips as the cool air of the bathroom brushed over it.  Not being able to take the lack of contact, Louis wrapped his hand around his cock, after spitting on it, thumb brushing over the slit to spread the pre-cum over his hardened length.  All of their lube was spread throughout the rest of the house, but none was in the bathroom, so his pre-come was going to have to work well enough, along with his spit.  He knew that he had to be quiet, because he didn’t want Harry to walk in on him while he was having his me time.  This was the last time he was going to ever look like this, and he kind of wanted to savor the fact.  Of course, the weight wasn’t going to come right off, and he would still look like this for a little bit until his weight loss was noticeable, but it was his one last time before he made his choice.  

Louis leaned his back against the counter, facing the mirror on the back wall that they sometimes used to get ready in when the needed a full length mirror.  His whole body, with all of its flaws was fully on display, but he didn’t shy away from his reflection.  With one had wrapped around his cock, he used his other to finger fuck his belly button.  With each deep thrust of his fingers, a tingling sensation ran straight to his cock.  He tugged on his length in time with the thrusts into his belly button.  Little gasp and moans fell from his lips, his head tilted back in pleasure, eyes closed.  Of course, after receiving hand jobs and finger fucks to his belly button from Harry, his fingers felt less sufficient, but he knew that they would have to do.

He could feel more cum leaking out of his tip, coating his hand and cock like the lube he was lacking, allowing him to pump faster and faster.  ”H-ha-hazza.” he whimpered out, moving his hand from his belly button to grab and pinch at his tummy like Harry had done so many times before during sex.  He didn’t think that this would be causing him as much pleasure as it was since it was him doing it to himself, but surprisingly it was.  His body was on fire with pleasure, every single inch feeling alight with the sensation of his belly button being fucked as well as his cock being stroked.  He could feel the heat pooling in his stomach, and his pumps becoming a bit sporadic as he neared his orgasm.

As he climaxed, Louis moaned Harry’s name, his hand that was on his stomach moving to grip onto the counter behind him.  Knees were shaking, threatening to give out, but he held strong to the counter, and managed to stay upright and standing throughout.  Cum coated his hand and up to his stomach as Louis purposely aimed for the lipstick print beneath his belly button.  As he came down from his high, Louis opened his eyes and looked at his reflection in the mirror.  The way his cum was coating his belly had him moaning once more.  It looked hot as fuck, and he wished that it had been Harry coming all over his belly like he had done before when Louis had begged him to.  He was panting, hair stuck to his forehead from sweat, but he felt relaxed and so much better.

In no time at all, Louis was cleaned up (the lipstick marks still both there, though the one on his tummy had faded) and dressed back in the clothes he had slept in.  His body felt looser, more relaxed, and it was the best feeling in the world, besides Harry being the reason for it.  He stuck his head out of the room to see if Harry was still asleep.  Noticing the other hadn’t moved a muscle in his time gone, Louis snuck back into bed, resuming the position that they had previously been in.  He laid Harry’s hand back on his stomach, figuring he would give the male just a little bit more time while it was still there.  However, his stomach seemed to have other plans, growling loudly.  ”Hazza?” Louis whispered, rolling around so that he was facing the other male.  He began peppering his face with kisses, the lipstick still faintly there, leaving a few marks.  ”Hazza ‘m hungry.  Wake up to make me breakfast.” He whined.

How did High turn into Goodbye?

giraffe-styles:

"And you make me strong as well, boo." He assured, wanting to make it clear that even though things weren’t the best between them at the moment, Harry still thought the world of him, the universe even. "I just wish there weren’t boundaries between us." He murmured softly with his eyes downcast, absolutely hating that it came to this, them now having silly boundaries with each other when in reality, there shouldn’t be a single one. "You won’t have to." He assured fiercely, eyes looking back up to the other male. "Just… Don’t ever feel like I’m trying to control you, yeah? All I’m doing is making sure you’ll lose it healthily, so you won’t get triggered back into being anorexic and then hospitalized." Harry let out a puff of breath, lightly chewing on his lesser lip as he thought over what he was asking. "Once a month is fine." He finally decided, knowing that waiting that long wouldn’t make Louis obsessed with his weight like he used to be. "But I’m getting rid of the scales we have here. You can weigh yourself at the gym once a month." Harry felt himself blushing slightly at the comment. "Yeah, and I won’t make us desserts but once a week." He promised. "Lou, your muscles are great the way they are. You’ve got lovely arms and you know it. Being jealous is comparing, Lou. I don’t want you to compare yourself to me, ever. We’re completely different people and completely different body types." Harry sighed, looking at Louis sadly. "Who the hell cares if girls like mine? You’re not trying to impress girls, you should only be trying to impress me, and you always impress me with your stunning body.” Harry continued to rub soothing circles on Louis’ tummy, really trying to memorize how it felt and looked, knowing that it would be one of the last times it would look this way for a while, maybe even forever. “You’re right, I’d rather you tell me than keep it locked inside.” With a small smile, he pressed a soft kiss to his head and nodded. “Let’s sleep, love. It’s been a long week.”

Louis kissed him softly, needing to convey that he believed him.  ”I know… I wish there weren’t either. I thought we were over this but I just… I’m sorry.  It’s my fault.  It’s all my fault.”  He sighed and shook his head.  ”I don’t think that I could ever believe that you were trying to control me.  I know why you are doing it, and I’m glad that you are.  It’s going to help me.” he promised.  ”Promise you won’t let anyone watch me weigh myself?” He asked.  It was honestly something that he was so against having people watch him do, because he got so nervous whenever he was weighed.  Back when he was doing his weekly weigh-ins, he couldn’t imagine even Harry being in the room with him at the same time.  Especially on those weeks when he had gained weight instead of lost it, and it tended to result in him either crying or adding another scar to his leg.  ”That sounds alright.  Unless there is like, two special occasions in a week or something.  You know?” He offered.  That was going to be the hardest part in all of this- portion control.  ”I know, I know.  But I’ve never been able to bulk up like you have.”  He sighed, not wanting to look at Harry to see how he was looking at him so sadly.  ”I know I shouldn’t care what the girls think about me.  You’re all that matters.  I shouldn’t be trying to impress them, but its a bit hard.  I always read the stuff that talks about how stunning you boys look, and how I’m okay looking, but I just don’t - fit with the way the rest of the band looks.  You are all so fit and muscular, and I’m not.  And they’ve noticed.  And they comment, most of the times very harshly and hateful.”  Louis sighed, but didn’t continue on with that topic, because he didn’t want another argument.  He let the relaxing feeling of Harry’s fingers lull him into a sleepy state, his eyelids heavy with sleep.  ”Goodnight, Hazza,” he murmured, his eyes slipping shut.  Within minutes Louis was out like a light.  He was so sure that this night he was going to get the best sleep that he had had in over a week.  Finally, he was laying in Harry’s arms, wrapped up in the warmth and love that he had been craving since the night of their fight.  This was the only place in the world that he felt safe and at home, and after a week, the rope was finally tied down to the anchor once again.

How did High turn into Goodbye?

giraffe-styles:

"I don’t care if things go back to normal between us, all I care about is being with you and being happy with you. Though, you’re right, I hope we become even stronger because of this." Harry sighed softly, lightly nuzzling his nose against the others. "You don’t necessarily make me uncomfortable, I just don’t know the boundaries anymore. I wish everything could go straight back to how it used to be but at the same time I don’t want it to just yet, since I still haven’t forgiven you fully." Once he finished, he leaned forward and pressed a sound kiss to his lips, eyes fluttering shut for a moment before he pulled away. "Expect a lot of kisses then." He smiled weakly, his emotions feeling all over the place at the moment. "Yeah, ‘course we can. We can get through anything. We’re soul mates, nothing can separate us forever." Licking his lips, he looked to the side before back at Louis. It really wasn’t a horrible deal, but he couldn’t help but really hate it because he obviously would much prefer Louis to stay exactly how he was, chubby tummy and all. "I don’t want to do weight ins… And I don’t want to measure your body fat. You don’t need to do any of that shit. But you have to swear that you’ll let me be there every step of the way. I want to cook all of your meals and go with you to each work out session, every single one." He looked deep into his eyes, his hand on Louis’ hip, rubbing soothing circles onto the skin there as he waited for Louis to agree to his conditions, no matter how much they pained him. He just wanted to please his lover. Nodding, he leaned in again to press a kiss to Louis’ lips, to silently promise that he wouldn’t talk about it anymore. Something that was a blessing but also a curse was that he could read Louis like a book when he really focused in on him, and at that moment, he could tell that he was having a feel of his own stomach to measure up just how much he had to weight so he could either have the same stomach or one smaller than his own. "Lou…" He murmured with sad eyes, though allowed Louis’ small fingers to trace his hip tattoos. With a soft sigh, he reached down and placed his large palm on Louis’ softer stomach, rubbing small circles on the smooth skin. "You know I think you’re absolutely perfect, and I hate hearing what you think about yourself. You’re beautiful and stunning and so fucking sexy. If you would have let me, I would have marked up that cute tummy of yours and even fucked that sensitive belly button of yours to show you how sexy I think you are." He said seriously, the circles on Louis’ tummy not stopping, his eyes drifting back and forth from his clothed tummy to his fringe where his head was resting on his shoulder.

"I think we will become stronger.  You make me strong, remember?" He asked, "But you’re right.  And I’m sorry I can’t let you know what the boundaries are, because I don’t know them from the top of my head.  But, I’ll let you know when something is making me uncomfortable."  He kissed him back, glad that he was going to be getting kisses all the time.  "Good.  Because I don’t think I could do this without you," he whispered, looking back up at the other male.  As much as that sounded like Louis was being controlled by Harry, much like he had been by Modest! back when he developed his eating disorder, he didn’t mind it.  Harry wasn’t Modest! and he wasn’t doing it to harm him.  And there wouldn’t be weigh ins, or body fat measuring, and it just sounded great.  "But how will I know I’m at my goal weight?  Maybe I just do one like, once a month?  Not once a week?" He asked, adding his own condition.  "I can do that.  Your food is amazing, and I know it won’t feel like a diet if its your food.  And working out with you would be fun.  Maybe I can even get muscles like you."  Louis squeezed his bicep tightly, sighing, because his muscles were nothing like that.  Not anymore.  "Sorry," he murmured.  It was times like these that he hated the fact that Harry could read him like an open book.  He often wondered if they got the power of telepathy of sorts with them being soul mates.  "I wasn’t comparing.  I’m just jealous of how perfect your stomach is.  All the girls love it.  No one loves mine.  Except you of course," he added as an after thought.  He tried not to let his stomach muscles tense up, not wanting to hurt Harry even more.  It surprised him that they weren’t reacting badly, but rather, he was fully allowing Harry to touch his stomach.  The small circles were soothing his belly ache that was still raging at a little less than full force.  "I know you hate knowing what I think, but you told me I need to stop keeping things from you, so I’m not keeping those thoughts from you."  He couldn’t help the blush that spread across his face and down his neck.  Harry had no idea how wonderful that sounded right now, but with the promise he had made to himself, he couldn’t give in to the want- no matter how desperate it was.  The feeling of Harry’s hand on his tummy and running through his fringe was starting to put the Doncaster lad to sleep.  He snuggled into Harry more, pressing a kiss to his chest.  "Hazza?  I’m sleepy.  It’s been a long day."

How did High turn into Goodbye?

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"I know, it sucks but I know." He nodded slightly, trying not to bounce Louis off, completely enjoying the loving kisses he was receiving on his jawline. "It’s going to take a bit for us to go back to how things used to be before this happened. Hell, maybe things will never go back to normal between us, not fully, I just want to be comfortable with you again and be able to kiss you when I feel the impulse to do so. But what I really want is for you to smile everyday again." He reached up with one hand to cup Louis’ cheek, his thumb stroking along his cheekbone. "You have such a beautiful fucking smile, it lights up my world, it really does." He says seriously, looking deep into his eyes. "I understand. I really don’t like it, but I do understand. All I ask is that you stay healthy. Meaning, please, please if you’re going to lose weight, lose it normally, don’t hurt yourself. I couldn’t bare it if you purged or skipped meals again." It was then when Harry got the idea on how Louis could fully make what he did up to him, but he would save that for the morning. Now wasn’t the time. Harry shook his head, reaching under Louis’ chin to lift it so they were looking into each others eyes. "M’sorry for bringing it up. I know you’re sorry, and you’re making it up to me." He nodded, feeling the exact same way as his boyfriend, if it were possible, he’d gladly do over that day too. He held the other tight, clinging to him as well as he buried his nose in his feathery hair, eyes shutting tight. "I don’t know. It’s just how I feel. I’m just scared for you, I know you can’t help being upset about your image and weight, but I sometimes feel like it’s eating you alive and it terrifies me so much. I can’t lose you, you know that."

"If we don’t go back to how things used to be before this happened, that’s okay.  I just hope that we are just as strong after all of this as we were before.  Or stronger." He listened quietly to everything that Harry was saying, receiving comfort in the feeling of his deep voice vibrating through his body.  "I want you to be comfortable with me.  I hate that I made you feel uncomfortable.  And please, kiss me when you feel the impulse.  I’d love that."  He looked down, but nodded, knowing what he meant.  Louis had hardly smiled at all this last week, and even before that, he didn’t think that he was smiling as much as he had before. "We can get through this, Hazza.  Right?" He hated how unsure his voice was sounding.  "I promise.  I’ll be healthy, Harry.  I’ll keep a food diary so if you want, you can monitor my calorie intake.  You won’t have to worry about me starving myself or skipping meals, especially if they are ones that you aren’t around me for.  And I’ll start going to the gym with you, so you can make sure I"m not overworking myself."  It actually sounded like a good idea to him.  He knew he would be okay if Harry was right there with him when he was working out, and then maybe it would keep from giving Harry a sense of helplessness in the whole thing.  "It’s okay.  Just can we please not talk about it anymore?" He asked shyly.  He felt so safe in Harry’s arms, the way he was clinging to him.  It made him feel loved and wanted.  "You aren’t going to lose me," he murmured.  Louis rolled off of Harry’s chest to lay beside him, only because the position he was in was causing his stomach to hurt.  He cuddled into his side, head resting on his strong shoulder.  With a ginger touch, Louis slid his hand under Harry’s shirt. He rested his hand on his warm belly, feeling how flat and perfect it was.  Even though he was muscular, he still had that softness of a small layer of fat.  That’s what Louis wanted.  Not this.  He sighed sadly and moved his hand, but so he didn’t alarm Harry to what thoughts were running through his mind, he slid it to his hip, tracing over the palm fronds he knew were there.  "I think you’re right, it is eating me alive.  While we were eating ice cream earlier, all I could think about were all of the calories that were going into my mouth, and just how it was going to turn into fat and make me look even more disgusting than I already do."  Louis shrugged a bit, burying his face in his shoulder.  

How did High turn into Goodbye?

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Harry was about to sigh and attempt to sleep while cuddled against Louis’ back, but was surprised when the small body in front of him turned a one-eighty to face him. What surprised him even more is that he started placing kisses all around his chest and neck. “Lou…” He whispered softly, almost in awe that the other male wasn’t pushing him away, but instead doing the exact opposite. Harry blinked up at the other, their close proximity making it so he could see every detail clearly on the other male. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed that things would go back to exactly how it was with kissing.” He said softly, his hands rubbing up and down Louis’ curvy sides. “So were you.” He replied, leaning up slightly to press a kiss where there were tear streak lines on his cheek. “Don’t be sorry about this. You only need to be sorry about cheating on me.” He wasn’t sure why he even brought that up again, but he winced slightly when he realized what he had just said, already knowing that Louis was ashamed of what he had done, and that he didn’t need it brought up a hundred times a day. “I’m… I’m just scared that I’m losing you, Lou. Physically and mentally.”

Louis just shrugged.  ”I wish it could, Harry.  I really do.  But we are both a bit broke up over that fight.  And its going to take awhile for us both to be okay.” He cupped his cheek and kissed along his jaw.  ”Please don’t think that just because I don’t like my body and I want to lose weight, and that I wouldn’t let you give me a hickey that I don’t want you anymore.  I still want lovebites, just not there.  And I still want to kiss you.  And I still want to have sex and do sexual things when you’re ready for them again.”  He sucked a tad bit on his throat, hoping that it helped a bit.  ”Yeah,” he hiccuped a bit.  Harry was being so gentle with him, as if he could break any second, but he figured that that wasn’t too far off of a statement.  Louis ducked his head, immediately feeling even more like shit.  He hated whenever Harry brought up that he had cheated.  The older male was so ashamed of what he had done to Harry, and having it be brought up after they seemed to have settled down a bit with it really stung.  ”I am sorry.  I’m so so so sorry that I did that to you.  If I could redo only one thing in my life, it would be that night so I could keep from cheating.”  The words Harry said next made it feel as if Louis’ heart was physically ripping into two halves.  ”You aren’t losing me,” he whispered, clinging to the other male.  ”Mentally I’m all yours.  I’ve been yours for awhile now, Harry.  And what do you mean physically?  I’m just so confused.”

How did High turn into Goodbye?

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Harry knew good and well that the excuse he gave Louis was a stupid one, and that Louis would be able to tell that he honestly just needed to get out of the room before he burst into tears in front of him, ultimately causing another fight. Angrily wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand, he huffed out a breath trying to keep himself from crying like a child. Though, could anyone honestly blame him? Louis wasn’t acting like himself anymore, and it terrified Harry so much. He heard a small whimper next to him before feeling small paws lightly hitting his leg as Tinkerbell lifted on her hind legs and reached for him, begging to be picked up. “Come ‘re, my love.” He cooed softly as he bent down to pick up the pure white pom. Sticking his face in her fur, he sighed out, once again having to blink back on coming tears. “I don’t know what to do, Tink.” He whispered brokenly as he held her close. Heading into the kitchen, he decided that he really should get a drink and maybe set Tinkerbell down so he could splash his face with some water. Once that was finished and a few tears were shed, he took a deep breath a slowly blew it out before looking down to Tinkerbell, almost as if he was looking for some encouragement from the small canine, then he made his way back to the bedroom. Slowly, quietly, he opened up the door, knowing that it was possible that Louis could have fallen asleep in the half-hour he was out of the room. He saw that Louis was turned away from the door, so he tiptoed in and slowly sunk into the bed where he scooted up behind Louis and wrapped his arms around his middle, nose burying in the wavy locks at the nape of his neck. “Boo? You awake?” He whispered into the shell of his ear.

As soon as Harry walked out of the room, Louis let the tears run freely down his face.  He curled up in a ball, bringing the covers over his face.  Small, whimpery sobs slipped past his lips while his eyes screwed shut.  He was fucking everything up, and he could feel everything slip between his finger tips like the sand at the beach.  He didn’t know what had led to his gradual change, but he knew that he wasn’t okay anymore, and he needed to be fixed.  And now, because of him, Harry was downstairs probably crying his eyes out.  Louis clutched his love’s pillow to his chest, inhaling his comforting scent.  He was so scared that this time around, Harry wasn’t going to be able to handle him and he was going to leave him.  After all, he had gotten high, cheated, and filmed the whole thing which led them to the biggest fight they had ever had in their almost four years of knowing each other. 

Half an hour had passed and Harry still wasn’t back, and it was worrying him.  He was scared that Harry had decided to sleep on the couch that night, and if that was the case, Louis was going to have to go back to the guest house.  There was no way in hell that he was going to be able to sleep in their bedroom alone.  He decided to give Harry another half hour, and if he wasn’t back, he was going to go downstairs and see if he was okay.  However, not even five minutes later he could hear Harry sneaking into the room.  He pretended to be asleep, waiting for Harry to climb in.  Louis didn’t answer, instead turning around in his arms. He peppered Harry’s chest, collar bones, and neck with kisses, moving up to nudge his nose along his jaw.  “‘M so so sorry, H.” He whispered.  He pushed Harry so that he was laying on his back before he climbed on top of him, laying on top of his stomach.  They were chest to chest, Louis’ bloated belly having gone down just a bit, but it was still very sore.  He rested his head on his shoulder, gently tracing the exposed tip of the swallow tattoo on his chest.  ”I’m sorry.”  He couldn’t say it enough.  He hated that he had upset Harry, because it seemed like that was all he was doing as of late.  He tilted his head up to look his lover, and sighed.  ”You were crying.” Louis murmured, feeling even worse about himself now.  

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-insert sexy growl- Lou bug, it’s been so long since I’ve done this, over a year now, but I feel it’s time to start it back up again. Holy fuck, baby, you look bloody stunning in this photo, and honestly, I just want to lick those water droplets dripping down your arms and face. Your eyelashes look so long here as well, and your itty bitty nose? I want to give it a hundred kisses! But most of all, I want to kiss those pretty lips of yours. I love, love, love you!! -insert kiss emoji-

It has been over a year, but I think you’re right.  You starting these up again are really going to help me get better.  I would gladly let you do all of that to me, and more.